Yaoi Maui Zaui
by jinkiez
Summary: New yaoi drawings featuring Stan and Kyle start to pop up at school. Stan learns a surprising truth about who started the 'pairing'.
1. Chapter 1

It was a typical morning in South Park. Stan was standing at his locker, gathering his needed junk for the first half of the school day, when he suddenly heard girls giggling behind him. He spun around, noticing the small group of girls looking at him while they laughed. Two of them waved at him. He smiled and waved back, before turning back towards his locker. _"Hmm. I must be getting hotter with age,"_ he thought to himself, pleased with this new attention.

Meanwhile, Kyle was at his own locker when he heard similar voices giggling. He looked suspiciously at the girls, who were whispering to each other and laughing while they stared in his direction. They were clearly gossiping about him, and made little effort to be discreet about it. However, he couldn't make out anything that they were saying.

Just then, Cartman came by and slapped Kyle on the shoulders, his boisterous laughter echoing in the hallway. "Oh mah god, this is delicious. HAHAHAHA!" his voice boomed with obnoxious laughter. Kyle furrowed his eyebrows at him. "What the hell are you talking about, fatass?"

Cartman beamed smugly at Kyle. "You don't even know yet? Oh, it's great. There's romantic drawings of you and Stan posted all over the skewl. You guys are the new yaoi couple, hahahaha!"

Kyle's eyes widened frantically as he looked around the hallway. He saw various people staring at him, primarily girls. "You..you gotta be pulling my leg Cartman, right?"

"Not this time! Go look in the cafeteria, there's drawings hung all over the walls of you two! The girls are convinced that you're gay with Stan. You better watch out Kyle, Wendy might beat your ass!" Cartman continued laughing hysterically.

Kyle slammed his locker shut and stormed towards the cafeteria, glaring at the girls who had been staring at him.

Once he got to the cafeteria, Kyle's eyes were drawn immediately to the many drawings and paintings tacked and pinned onto a bulletin board, with a headline paper at the top of it reading, "Artwork by our Japanese exchange students!"

He glanced at all of the artwork, noticing that every piece depicted him and Stan in romantic scenarios. He felt deeply embarrassed as he looked at one drawing depicting Stan and himself shirtless, with Stan licking his nipple. The caption under it read, "Secret moments".

" _What the hell is wrong with these girls?"_ he thought as he stared at all the drawings. A few of them were very inappropriate.

Just then he noticed one of the Japanese students coming up to tack another drawing to the board. "Oh... hi Kyle!" she greeted enthusiastically. She tacked on a drawing which featured Stan rubbing massage oil onto Kyle's back, as they laid in a bed of rose petals. The caption at the bottom read "Petals of forbidden love". The girl nervously smiled at Kyle, who looked utterly embarrassed and confused. She scurried away before he could ask questions.

Kyle was left standing there, speechless.


	2. Chapter 2

PC Principal sat at his desk, his hands tightly crammed into his armpits. He focused on Kyle, who was sitting in the chair in front of him. Kyle looked deeply annoyed. He had come to talk to the principal about the Yaoi drawings. But any hope of resolution or understanding was clearly pointless.

"Kyle, these drawings are a creative expression by our Japanese exchange students. We wanted to make them feel welcome and also display some diverse cultural artwork on our bulletin boards. Do you have some kind of bigotry against Japanese or Asian people, Kyle? Because we do NOT tolerate that sort of attitude in our school!" The principal removed his hands from his armpits to squeeze a stack of papers as he shook with anger. Kyle flinched at his aggressive behavior.

"No, I just would appreciate if they drew something other than gay drawings of me and my friend Stan," Kyle explained, frustrated. "We're not even a couple, we're just friends. Stan has a girlfriend, for god's sake!"

PC Principal became even angrier. "Oh, so you're homophobic huh? Kyle, you seem to have some serious internalized bigotry, and -"

Before he could finish, Stan popped his head through the principal's office doorway. "Excuse me, but what the hell is this?" He held up a drawing of himself and Kyle wearing tuxedos, while they held hands and stood under a floral wedding arch. The caption on it read "A Sweet Wedding Day".

"That is a beautiful and cultural drawing by one of our Japanese students!" PC Principal yelled. "Please sit down Stan, we need to have a talk and some sensitivity training about your blatant ethnocentric, xenophobic and homophobic views."

Stan sighed and sat down in a chair next to Kyle. Kyle looked at him sympathetically and just shrugged.

"So Stan, let's say, after getting consent to kiss Kyle, you guys are making out, things are getting heated, and now you want to suck on Kyle's nips. You would stop making out and ask "Kyle, may I please suck on your tits?" - go ahead and try it out." PC Principal sat there with his mouth slightly open, teeth visible, as Stan and Kyle looked at him with mortified expressions. "Dude!" they yelled simultaneously.

"Nope, I'm out." Stan pinched the bridge of his nose and then got up to leave the office. "Stan, where you going?" the principal yelled after him as he left. "Fine, leave! I guess you won't get the money I was going to send you home with!"

Kyle took the opportunity to run out of the room as well. He saw Stan briskly walking down the hallway and caught up with him. "Dude, wait up!"

Stan looked at Kyle angrily. "It's probably best that you stay away from me, Kyle. I don't want anyone getting the wrong impression. I have a reputation to uphold, y'know."

Kyle rolled his eyes. "Sure Stan, you've got _such_ a reputation to uphold. I'm surprised you even care that much. We both know it's just some stupid girl thing. The only thing we can do is ignore it."

"Oh yeah, and what about Wendy? She's going to be so mad, she'll probably even dump me!" Stan yelled.

"Come on Stan, I'm sure she'll recognize the difference between some anime drawings and reality," Kyle replied.

"She gets really jealous super easily dude," Stan explained, looking around the empty hallways just to make sure nobody was watching them - namely Wendy.

"Well if she really acts like that, then maybe she's a dumb bitch!" Kyle sighed.

"Hey, don't call Wendy a bitch. I'll kick your ass!" Stan retorted, his fists clenched.

Kyle, equally peeved, rolled up his sleeves. "Fine, let's see you try!"

Not long after, students began to pour into the hallways to watch the commotion between Stan and Kyle. Stan had Kyle pushed up against the locker and grabbed by the collar.

"Jesus Stan, do you have to molest Kyle in the middle of school? Can't you guys wait until you guys get home?" Cartman chuckled boisterously. Stan suddenly let go of Kyle, still angry.

Kyle rubbed his sore neck. "Fuck off, fatass!" He looked at the crowd watching and stormed off.

Cartman continued laughing at the scene. "Oooh, I think you were too rough with your boyfriend, Stan."

"We are NOT boyfriends! I'm dating Wendy, so if everyone could please stop these rumors and Yaoi stuff, I'd appreciate it," Stan growled before leaving as well. There was a collective, sad "awww" from the crowd of students.

As Stan was walking away, he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to see Craig. "What do you want, Craig?" he muttered.

"Looks like the Japanese picked you guys now," Craig said plainly.

"Yeah, whatever," Stan replied.

"I'm just glad they're not obsessed with Tweek and I anymore. Enjoy your spotlight. Oh and I didn't know you and Kyle were a gay couple, thought you were with Wendy?" Craig taunted, grinning smugly.

"Screw off, Craig!" Stan replied. Craig flipped him off and walked away. God, he hated Craig.


	3. Chapter 3

It was evening now, and school had ended. Stan was thankful for that, he'd had enough drama for the day. He laid on his bed, staring down at his cellphone. He hadn't spoken to Kyle for the rest of the day, and hadn't heard from Wendy at all. He decided to text Wendy.

Stan: Hey Wendy ❤

He waited 20 minutes for a response.

Wendy: Hi, Stan

No heart emoji? Was she mad? Stan frowned down at his phone before typing his reply.

Stan: So how are you? I guess you saw those drawings everywhere at school. I hope you're not mad.

Wendy: Yeah, I saw them. Don't worry, I'm not mad.

Stan: I don't know why they're doing this to me and Kyle, but I assure you there's nothing going on between us!

Wendy: It's fine, I believe you. But do you WANT there to be something between you two? Like, have you ever thought about it?

Stan: What the hell, no! I'm straight, dude!

Wendy: Are you _sure_?

Stan: Yes! I like you! Kyle is just my friend. Well sorta. We got into a fight today and aren't talking right now.

Wendy: What was the fight about?

Stan debated whether or not he should tell her about Kyle calling her a bitch. He decided it'd be better if he didn't.

Stan: Ahh nothing much. We were both just mad about the drawings.

Wendy: Well don't be! They're just drawings!

Stan: You're right, that's what Kyle tried to tell me too. I guess I shoulda listened.

Wendy: Well I've gotta go do homework, see ya tomorrow Stan!

Stan: bye Wendy ❤

Stan threw his phone aside and decided to do his own homework. At least Wendy wasn't angry like he predicted. He suddenly felt guilty for yelling at Kyle earlier.

As he was doing his homework, Randy popped into Stan's bedroom. "Heeey Staaan, we should probably talk," his father greeted.

Stan sighed in irritation. "Fine dad, what do you want?"

"Well, there's been talk around town, and I heard about you and Kyle, and you know, the yaoi, and the maui zaui, and stuff. Son, I'm so proud of you for being gay. I just came to give you a hundred dollars." He placed two fifties down on Stan's desk.

Stan facepalmed. "I'm not gay, dad!"

Randy just chuckled. "Don't worry son, I'm not here to judge you. I'm a super cool and progressive dad, and I understand that it's just something that the Japanese decides, not you."

"That's not true! This was all started by some girls at school, who have this weird thing about drawing cartoons of boys in gay relationships. They randomly picked me and Kyle to do drawings of, and now they're posted all over the school, and everyone thinks we're a gay couple! Kyle and I are just friends," Stan explained.

Randy simply patted Stan on the head. "Alright Stan, whatever you say. I just..want you to be happy and not feel like you need to hide behind some image to feel accepted." He pushed the money towards Stan.

Stan groaned, as Randy exited Stan's room and closed the door behind him. Sharon stood outside the door. "Well, how did it go?"

Randy shrugged. "He's deep in denial."


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning, Stan arrived at the bus stop. He saw Kyle, Kenny and Cartman already standing there. "Hey guys," he greeted.

"Mmph," Kenny nodded.

"Oh look, it's the gay hippie," Cartman snickered.

Stan scowled at Cartman. He noticed that Kyle was ignoring him, probably still mad from yesterday. "Hey Kyle, I wanted to apologize for being an ass yesterday. Can I talk to you on the bus, please?"

"Oh my god, are you guys going to make out on the bus? Get a room you guys!" Cartman taunted.

"Shut up, fatass. Yeah, I guess we can talk Stan. I'm sorry too," Kyle replied.

"Aww, isn't that sooo sweet Kenny, they're going to kiss and make up!" Cartman cooed.

Kyle walked over and kicked Cartman in the balls.

"OWW!" He fell on the ground and clutched his sensitive area.

Kenny laughed muffled behind his hood as the bus pulled up.

When the bus pulled up, Stan took a seat next to Kyle. "So what did you want to talk to me about, dude?" Kyle asked.

"Well, I just wanted to say sorry for overreacting yesterday, it turned out Wendy wasn't even mad at all. My dad thinks I'm really gay now though. He even gave me a hundred dollars," Stan explained.

"Wow, that's sweet..well, my dad thought the same thing. He only gave me fifty dollars though, the cheap Jew bastard," Kyle replied.

"I think we need to talk to those Japanese girls and ask them why they're doing this," Stan declared.

"Do you really think they'll tell us?" Kyle questioned.

"Well, it's worth a shot," Stan shrugged.

"I guess so. I think I know where they hang out. I'll show you when we get to school," Kyle said, leaning against the window as he watched the snowy pine trees pass by. He saw a skinny gray alien staring back at him between the trees. This was just another average day in South Park.

As they got to school, Stan and Kyle walked in together. As soon as they walked inside, people gathered to stare and cheer at them. "Look, they're back together again!" one girl commented. Many of the girls responded in "awww".

Kyle rolled his eyes. "Come on Stan, I think they hang out in the art room down that way," he pointed, turning down the hallway.

Stan followed, nervously looking at all the people staring at them. Even though he was somewhat well known around school, this was very odd for him. He never imagined he would become a school celebrity due to _yaoi drawings_.

They finally reached the art room, and sure enough, there were a group of girls in there drawing pictures. Many of them looked like Japanese exchange students, but Stan was really surprised to see Wendy sitting among them. She looked like she was drawing something on a piece of paper as well.

"..Wendy?" Stan gasped.

Wendy suddenly looked up, fidgeting as she tried to hide the paper she was just drawing. She had a bunch of colored pencils on the desk where she sat. "Oh, um, hey guys!"

The Japanese girls started whispering to each other and giggling.

"What are you doing in here? And what was on that paper you just tried to hide?" Stan questioned, looking at Wendy suspiciously.

Wendy became very nervous. "It was just, um, yeah. It was nothing!"

But they could clearly see that she was still hiding the paper under the desk. Kyle walked over and yanked the paper from her. "Noo!" Wendy screamed. His jaw dropped when he saw that it was a drawing of himself and Stan laying on a couch, cuddling, with pink penciled hearts surrounding them.

A Japanese girl appeared behind Kyle and looked at the drawing he was holding. "Ohh, so kawaii!" she squealed.

"Ummm...I can explain!" Wendy blurted out, embarrassed.

Just then, Bebe walked into the room, holding another drawing in her hands. "Hey girls, I made this -" she froze when she saw Wendy sitting there, red as a tomato, with Kyle and Stan staring at her shocked.


	5. Chapter 5

"Wendy, you're drawing these pictures too? And you Bebe, well that doesn't really surprise me...but _Wendy_?" Stan questioned, staring at the drawing Kyle held in his hands.

Wendy sighed. "Look, I know this is really weird. You guys probably wouldn't get it. It's kind of a girl thing. I made friends with these girls from Japan, and they introduced me to yaoi, and I couldn't deny how kawaii it was! We got bored of drawing pictures of Tweek and Craig, and I started drawing pictures of you, and then we all decided that you and Kyle would make a totally cute couple."

"Totally," Bebe chimed in.

"Sooo cute!" one of the Japanese girls agreed.

"WHAT?" Stan and Kyle both looked perplexed.

"We just think you would make a kawaii couple! It's not like it's rocket science!" Bebe yelled.

"Like, most of the girls in the school think so?" Stan raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, girls can't resist the great force of kawaii," one of the Japanese girls explained.

"You should take it as a compliment!" Bebe said.

"So..this means that girls think I'm _cute_?" Kyle grinned.

"Well you do have a nice ass!" Bebe chuckled.

"Wow. I'm gonna go brag to Cartman about this!" Kyle smiled as he ran out of the room.

Stan still looked a bit confused. "This doesn't mean you want to break up, does it Wendy?"

"Not at all Stan! I thought you would be the one who wanted to break up when you found out that I was drawing pictures. I'm sorry I kept it a secret," Wendy explained.

"Well, I really don't get it, but I forgive you," Stan said. Wendy smiled at him, and then he threw up. "Gross!" Wendy yelled.

"Aww, so kawaii!" one of the Japanese girls squeeled.

Meanwhile, Kyle ran into the homeroom he shared with Cartman. He saw Cartman doodling something in his notebook. Cartman quickly covered the notebook with his arms as Kyle walked in.

"Hey Cartman! Guess what! The girls think I'm hot! Yeah, that's right! They think I'm Hawaii or something!" Kyle grinned smugly.

"What are you talking about, Jew?" Cartman muttered, covering his arms over his notebook.

"What's that you're hiding, huh?" Kyle tried to push his arms off the notebook.

"Aghh, leave me alone Kahl!" Cartman tried to resist, but his arms were knocked off the notebook. On the paper was a crude drawing of Kyle and Stan in..let's just say a very adult scenario.

"HOLY SHIT!" Kyle screamed.

Cartman looked terribly embarrassed as he grabbed his notebook and ran away.

 **\- The End -**


End file.
